The first Saturday each May is probably one of the most bizarre holidays for us gardeners—it’s World Naked Gardening Day. No, this isn’t a joke! For all of you farmers who feel constrained by farm pants and flannel shirts and muck boots—and underwear!—when watering your strawberry patch, here’s a chance for you to drop your skivvies and practice a little horticulture (or permaculture or biodynamics—whatever your flavor is) in the buff.
Of course, what kind of farming publication would we be if we didn’t give you some tips on how to garden naked the right way? We wouldn’t want to leave you exposed to danger, so here are some tips for safely—and, er, politely?—disrobing in your garden.
1. Wear Sunscreen
One of the very important jobs our work clothes do for us is prevent UV rays from penetrating our skin. Over the winter, when daylight hours are minimal and we spend most waking hours inside, our skin becomes more vulnerable to sun’s radiation, making the timing of World Naked Gardening day rather unfortunate. We suggest slathering on the sunscreen and doing so frequently to avoid a nasty sunburn. (Same goes with bug spray!)
2. Avoid Things That Sting & Itch
Brushing up against nettles or poison ivy will be a lot worse without the protection of clothing—we guarantee it! To avoid itchy rashes in unmentionable areas that last days beyond World Naked Gardening Day, keep your distance from unfamiliar plants or known irritants.
3. Be Aware of Your … Parts
Without undergarments to keep certain appendages contained (up there for the ladies, down there for the fellas), you may have extra parts getting in the way of your gardening work. It’s OK—we’re not judging. Just make sure you don’t end up haphazardly spraying fertilizer on your member or, again, you may be dealing with rashes in places no civilized person wants to discuss in public.
4. Mind Your Neighbors
If you want to engage in a little uncensored gardening, we applaud you and praise your confidence. However, your neighbors might not share the same sentiments—especially, if the underaged are involved. To protect yourself from a frivolous lawsuit—which, let’s be honest, no real farmer can afford—or from being shunned by your surrounding community until kingdom come, make sure there’s a buffer between you and your buff bod.
5. Take Advantage of Free Irrigation
One of the benefits of gardening nude is that you have all access to free irrigation and fertilization via your pee. That’s right, your urine offers a great source of nutrients helpful to growing crops, and on World Naked Gardening Day, you don’t even have to worry about getting a little sprinkle on your trousers.
So have at it you naked gardeners! Spread your compost and plant seeds without any fabric getting between you and that gorgeous, luscious soil. And above all, enjoy the fact that on this day and this day only, you won’t have any laundry to do when you get inside.
